More Mundane Moments....

Driving, rushing around and total disregard for others...

2011-11-24T08:32:00.001Z

Bad driving?

If you have read the title you probably have guessed that this is going to be a rant...but, it isn't! It's an observation...of sorts. It's about bad driving!!

Driving to work and back five days a week along quiet country lanes, through one set of traffic lights on a busy road and then up/down a long steep narrow canyon of a road I see all different styles of driving. Some good, some...er, not so! The journey is five and a half miles, it takes me on average about fifteen minutes max and as I say it has a very narrow steep canyon through solid sandstone and brick retaining walls. Interspersed with various bits of street furniture like, lampposts, width restrictions, road signs and the like it is, for some, quite obviously one of two things.

Impossible to negotiate and should be done with your eyes closed or...
Sod you lot I am coming through!

I suppose I should add there is an option 3 in which I include people like myself, who have learned over the years the art of self preservation and how to, hopefully, dodge the people in section one or two!

So, just who is in section one?
Young girls applying makeup/people on mobiles or texting/drivers to frightened to drive/old ladies/old men/Sunday drivers (delete as applicable)

And section two?

Which "Celeb" owns this?

Reps/white van man/ 4x4's/power women (you know, the ones in a Porsche or similar, perfect makeup, sharp hair do, usually full of them selves on the phone in a hurry because they are sooo busy... Disorganised more like!) Senior Managers/Exec's (who think because they are the boss at work are also the boss on the road) all those with personal number plates that don't mean anything to anyone but them selves. You know who you are...go on think about your number plate now... go on....well? If I did not know you, would your numberplate mean anything at all to me? No!??! Then yes, it's you I am talking about!

"Miss Micra" is it you?

What inspired today's post?
Yesterday whilst following a white van which turned out not to be driven by a stereotypical "whitevanman" I watched as he took evasive action from a young lady coming down the hill in a Micra. She was in the middle of the road, the narrow bit, nowhere near on her side where, if she had driven appropriately, she and "whitevanman" could have passed each other. But no, she was in the middle and I waited for the sound of broken glass. "Whitevanman", took evasive action, narrowly missing said rock wall as she gaily careered on her way missing me and the following traffic by inches. Was she, myopic? No! Was she a cr*p driver? Probably! Was she on her mobile? Very definitely!

White Van Man stereotype...

Today, and this is the rub, same place but about a hundred yards further up the hill, in the narrowest section where there is road narrowing/calming measures, ie one lane, the same whitevanman in front of me (How spooky is that|!) and he has priority. Coming down the hill... you guessed it... "Miss Micra"! Does she stop? No...does she bl**dy 'ell!

This woman is a menace...along with all the others like her!

This weekend, I am considering fitting a camcorder to my dash to video my journey... If I see "Miss Micra" coming I will be taking avoiding action especially if I am following a white van! Then, I will post the video on here for all to see...

Have a good day all...
Moriarty
P.s. If I have pinched your picture off the net then I am sorry but thank you. (It must have been good as I chose it so please, take solice in that!)

Red Bull Canimations

2011-11-17T17:29:00.001Z

Hey all. Please, please, for me, vote on this! LittleAnimations, my son Tims business, has entered the RedBull Canimation Competition and needs your help! Please follow the link and watch his entry, comment on it, leave criticism, even like it, we need all the interaction with the video we can get to help get in the top ten. Please vote!

canimation.redbull.co.uk/gallery/video/32174946

All the help I can get for voting is really appreciated. Just getting into the top ten means the film will be watched by major animation companies of the likes of Aardman and Pixar

Thank you all!

Moriarty...

Red Bull Gives You Springs from Little Animations on Vimeo.

Adsense...will it make me a Millionaire?

2011-10-11T11:36:00.001+01:00

Car Insurance Scheme Ref Multipla Owners 904

Adsense...will it make me a Millionaire?
In a word... NO!
In theory it possibly could if, enough people clicked on your pages and your adverts. But, in my case I doubt it very much.

So, why have I included Googles adsense/adverts on my blog? Purely to see how or, if, it works and wether it is a viable way of me earning some cash which I can give to my chosen charity!

Some of you may know I help run the Multipla owners club UK and that I have set up a car insurance scheme for the UK. (There is a link at the top of this post) Primarily, it is intended for members, but, as I always tell people "mention Multipla Owners Ref:904" when you ring Chris Knott Insurance up and they will try to beat your existing quote and make a donation to the club for our nominated charity. I won't go into what we make but its a nice feeling when we donate to Whizz kids or Cancer relief or whatever charity the members choose to support for the coming year.

So, that's why I am trying adsense.
Has it worked then I hear you say? Well it's been on about ten days now and my earnings have been £1.30!! Not a lot I know, but, "from little acorns mighty oaks do grow..."

Therefore, if your in the UK, please try my Insurance scheme and click my adverts. Not for me but for my chosen charity. If your outside the UK, then please, still click on the adverts but sadly, the insurance scheme won't work for you!

Moriarty...

2011-10-06T19:56:00.002+01:00

An S-Max like mine...

Years of owning a Fiat Multipla, all the jokes, the poor reliability etc etc finally took it's toll and at the end of July I bought a three year old Ford S-Max people carrier. I went back to being a Ford owning, Ford loving, fanatic. I miss my Multipla's, I still run the Multipla Owners club UK website and repairs microsite but I just had to make a change. Reliability, nothing less than the poor reliability. So, back to the S-Max!

Well, it's big, seven seats, tows my "tintent" well and being diesel, remarkably economical. Probably better than the smaller Multipla. However, I was buying the dream, a more reliable, comfortable, prestigious car. Or, so I thought!!

Less than ten weeks of ownership, 2750 miles and...the handbrake jammed on. Nothing would budge it so we called the breakdown guys in to tow her away to be repaired. A guy turned up from "AutoNational", in a "Green Flag" liveried van, and proceeded to scratch his head and take apart the interior of my car! Out came some screws, bits of trim and voila!...as they say, one centre console in pieces, exposing all the handbrake mechanism.

S-Max handbrake...

Now S-Max handbrakes are unusual in that they look like the handles that come out of a suitcase with wheels on them. There is a little release button on the right hand side that you press to release the handbrake. You guessed it... this was, as they say in the Black Country,"BOST!" To all of you not from the aforementioned area, that roughly translates to broken/kaput/no longer works!

A simple pawl and ratchet..

It would appear that the mechanism that pulled the pawl away from the ratchet...er, sorry am I getting too technical? had indeed sheared off in a lovely clean granular break! A textbook piece of "not made strong enough" if ever we had seen one!

Five minutes later, with the judicious use of a small screwdriver and the handbrake was released but' sadly not repaired.

Outlining the dangerous nature of driving without a fully operable handbrake and a kindly reminder of "DON'T... pull it on again!" My little tow truck man drove of with a wave and cheery flash of all his emergency lights.

Now, I was doing a removal favour for a friend at the time, I had a full car, a trailer piled high and no handbrake...so of we went!

We accomplished the mission successfully, me choosing a route with no hills, impossible around Dudley, but I did my best and we pulled into the drive a few hours later and unhitched the trailer and put it under the carport. We then parked the car in front to stop aforesaid trailer being whipped by scrapmen and firmly applied the handbrake to stop them shifting the car. Er...firmly applied the what!!??! My heart sank...

Armed with a torch and screw driver I buried my hand down in the depths of the centre console and handbrake mechanism, had a firtle around and within seconds I had released the brake. However, I had noticed exactly how it worked and within a few minutes could easily release the brake using two hands! This was deemed useful if I ever really had to use the handbrake.

Now, I think I have forgotten to say it's close to nine pm on a Friday night and I could not do anything until Monday morning. I also knew I had a three month warranty at the dealer from whom I bought the car and a further nine months that I had brokered into the deal, so, I was not unduly worried about costs!

Monday, I rang the dealer having emailed them to no effect. Typical huh! They in-turn said "a classic claim, should be no problem mate, ring the warranty company!"

I did! Bar stewards lied!

The warranty is common in the trade and works like this.

You breakdown and get yourself to a garage by whatever means. The garage rings the warranty company outlining the nature of the problem and how it complies with there criteria as set out in the warranty manual. A claim number is passed over to the garage with an agreed price for the repair which the dealer will duly invoice to them when the repair is completed.

Sounds easy doesn't it? This is what actually, truthfully happened...

I rang the Warranty company to find out how it all works.
I rang a local dealer and outlined my plight and what I had found.
They looked at the car that day and concluded it was a broken faulty part.
They rang the Warranty company, explained the situation and the warranty company said..."NO CLAIM!" It's wear and tear or damage by the owner!!!
The garage hung up, looked at my car again, and rang the warranty company back.
They outlined the nature of the claim and started to...er...argue!??!
The warranty company then say they will send an engineer to inspect the damage.
Engineer turns up Thursday, the garage have lent me a FREE courtesy car. He inspects the damage and says...YES! (Big sigh of relief)
He then asks for a discount on the parts and labour which amounted to about fifteen pound and duly drives of into the noonday sun back to Crewe!

Now I dunno, the whole bill came to something like £250 quid inc VAT. What was the cost of his time/wages/car and anything else? Does that sound economic to anyone of you?
So...is that another reason our Insurance/Breakdown cover/Warranties are all so dear? Burocracy!??!

Well I don't know what to make of it but, at least my car is fixed and it's cost me nothing!
I have found a cracking little garage not a mile from my home and I think that, ladies and gent's, is what they call... a RESULT!

Till the next time... G'night all.
Moriarty...

2011-10-05T14:34:00.000+01:00

Chromium's logo. Note similarity to Chromes?

Tried Google's Chromium today, not chrome but, the open source version called chromium. VERY quick!!

I am actually typing this up in it and it is just...working. I can't find anywhere for RSS feeds which is a pity and my browser of choice, Firefox, does do lots of other bells and whistles stuff which I find useful. So will I use it? Honestly, I doubt it as I will miss my bells and whistles. However I will use it for the next few days and see how we get on...

Try it for yourself...http://www.softpedia.com/get/PORTABLE-SOFTWARE/Internet/Browsers/Portable-Google-Chrome-Chromium.shtml

Have fun,
Moriarty...

2011-09-30T10:56:00.001+01:00

I haven't blogged in over two years to this blog...why?!!?

Well, personal family problems have took over a lot of my time as the Mother in Law had a stroke. She is now quite poorly in a nursing home and it takes up a lot of family time.

Why else?

I found twitter and thought it was a bit crap to be blunt. I found Facebook which I embraced as fully as I could but even that has gone a bit "pants" now that they have changed the format somewhat. But I will no doubt get used to it! However, the single biggest reason was I started a work based blog about my old secondary school and current place of work which put this on the back burner so to speak!

The school is undergoing a major change in its appearance and function under the auspices of BSF (Building Schools for the Future) a government inspired/funded initiative to rebuild all the countries schools...sadly now stopped but for those in progress like ours.

The old School being refurbished

Have a quick look:
http://regisorkingsschool.blogspot.com/

Speak again soon...
Moriarty

2009-06-06T16:01:00.013+01:00

I am sure I must have mentioned this before, but, for my sins, I am the current Secretary of the village carnival where I live... I have held this post for about three years and I did a fourth year as a helper previously. Not a massive amount of years, but, I feel it is long enough to allow me to comment on the current problems of the public and its apathy, Bureaucracy and health and safety!

Note: These are my musings and are certainly not representative of my Carnival and its Committee members. (At least I don’t believe so!)

So you wanna have a carnival? Ok, here are the problems as I see it!

No one wants to help!

Only a matter of a handful of people ever want to do the job in hand and give their time freely to help and attend what amounts to no more than ten meetings in the year including the carnival day itself which is a long one. Bank on starting at 7.00 am on the Sunday morning and finishing for a quiet pint in the pub at about 6.00 pm on the evening, totally and thoroughly... knackered!

Everyone in the crowd, on the day, is a professional organiser!

I don’t think so! Generally the crowd that attends is fantastic. There are one or two area's where they can rub you up the wrong way but, "hey ho" that’s life. For example, they cannot think about safety, they will not follow instructions from stewards and many think they know better. A few are just down right rude and ignorant and one year I felt one should have been arrested!

We have all met "Billy know it all" and his mate "Sh*t fuh brains" at some time in our lives but go to a large carnival and they come out of the woodwork!
I overheard more than one person say..."Bloody hell...it’s the same as last year...nothing new!"

Well let’s analyse that statement...

Firstly, what would one expect to see/hear at a carnival if not a fun fair, local cake and flower arranging, carnival music, street artists, coconut shy's stalls with tombola’s and the local vicar perhaps judging the school floats and other assorted competitions? To paraphrase John Cleese in Faulty towers... "Herds of Wilder beast roaming the plains or the hanging gardens of Babylon?!!?"
Hmm... it's a Carnival...that's what goes on at carnivals, there is a clue in the name!!

Secondly, the last few years we have tried to introduce live music in the form of: local bands whether they be jazz, folk, Irish or whatever. New sideshows...difficult because most are seen somewhere else by many of the punters attending, like Go Karts, and this year, Rock climbing up a portable wall.

Thirdly, if these people are sick and tired of the same old thing...why don't they get off their "fat a*ses" and attend the meetings, throw in their "two pennorth" and make a difference? We would certainly welcome them with open arms! Cos they are idle, gobby, moaning bar stewards who are full of cr*p and not a hint of neighbourliness and good spirit in their bodies!

Health and Safety...

Firstly, from the off, we do need Health and safety (Hand S) but do we really need so much of it that it kills the Carnival idea?

Well, they say that what happens in America happens here about ten years later...and we all know how you can be sued for anything in the states and sadly the litigious situation over here in good old blighty is starting to cotton on to this!
If any one thing is blighting a Carnival more than anything, now a days, is the sad fact that H and S is stopping all the fun for the kids and their parents who give up there precious time to make the floats. Lorry drivers cannot drive the lorries now as the tachograph hours add up and stop them working next day.
Insurance is needed to cover all and sundry for public liability and carnival routes by there nature have to pass housing estates to make bucket collections on the day to raise the hard earned funds required to go to the local charities.
Ask yourself... How does a young kiddie walk a mile and a half collecting this money? How does a disabled kiddie traverse this mile and a half? How do the decorated floats and the procession, along with the marching bands, stilt walkers, clowns and jugglers announce that the carnival is on, if not, by traversing this long route blaring out carnival sounds, laughter and general mayhem?
Without the vehicles to transport everyone the procession could die attendance would fall as no one a mile away would know the carnival is on! Less money would be collected if the procession was shortened or died altogether.

Over the years, we have been asked by the appropriate authorities to:

* Have cars at the front and rear of the carnival with flashing indicators and signs announcing the procession.
* Line the procession route with signs. (Difficult as strictly speaking, we are not aloud to post signs!)
* Provide a history of the Carnival
* Provide a full risk assessment
* Provide evidence and documentation for public liability, driving licences, vehicle insurance, individual street entertainment licences, collection bucket licences
* Contact the police and inform them of proceedings
* Contact the local council and do the same for them
* Mark of clear safety zones
* Provide fencing to protect the public...(more like to give the public something to climb over as they can’t be bothered to follow instructions!)

The list could go on but I cant be bothered frankly, as, if you were going to do a carnival this year I suspect by now you have decided not to bother!

So...looking at the short list above what do we glean?
Well, individually, nothing on the list is difficult...no, really its not....IF YOU HAVE THE MAN POWER!!

We have at most about fourteen committee members. Two are over seventy...three are approaching retirement, most are in there late forties or, early to mid fifties and a couple are under thirty-five!
We enlist friends, sons daughters, neighbours the local scouts /air cadets/ girl guides and anyone else we can bludgeon into submission on the day but, generally its about ten people who do all the work.
So...what work do they do?

* They keep records of meetings, invoices, payments and contact lists of anyone to do with the carnival.
* They contact local trades people and companies for donation or help
* produce posters
* organise all the fairs people, entertainers, local press/radio/TV
* Apply for permission for everything necessary on the day.
* apply for insurances
* write all the legal and moral letters to government agencies/officials/councillors etc
* come up with themes for the parade for each year
* circumvent previous / future problems
* Reply to any correspondence or requests of which they can be many and varied...indeed some, like the woman who wanted her money back for a stall she had rented because it leaked in the most torrential rain fall we had on record, are positively humorous!
* Lift every bodies spirits when it rains on the day (except the woman noted above I presume)
* organise the sick when its hot/cold/ just right/to tiring/natural illness
* provide safety services
* erect banners before to advertise the carnival
* take them down again at the end
* arrange performers and artistes
* provide the electrical services
* feed and water upwards of three thousand punters/helpers/hangers on!
* And last but not least...set up and then take down and store everything on the carnival day...

So...you want a Carnival or you think you could do better?

Join the queue of helpers....it's a short one!!
Moriarty...

2009-05-29T12:45:00.003+01:00

What a turn out for the books, eh? The suns come out and its beautifully warm, currently 23 degrees according to the school weather station where I work. (Click to vi e w)
So...I suppose its that time of year when man, meets his ancestral passion of offering a burnt sacrifice to "the great sun god in the sky"... yes, it's "barbie time!!"
No...not the bloody doll....
...a BBQ this weekend in the garden, burnt offerings of sausages and burgers served on a charcoal stained bread roll or bun smothered in tomato sauce (to hide the taste) and washed down with a cold lager! I spotted this piccy on the web today which as I work in ICT gives me a use for my old pc's! My thanks to komar.org for the use of the pix and the idea!! I suppose if I wanted a picnic type disposable BBQ I could use an old laptop? Nah, don't be saft man...its plastic, it would melt and I guess, probably have more nutritious content than the burgers...

Oh such is life....
Moriarty the Mundane

2009-05-26T17:57:00.005+01:00

"I truly believe it is harder for people to understand depression than it is for them to understand the offside rule!" Panda 4/2/09

I dont blog often enough...its a recurring theme on here and I have come to realise just why that is. I only blog if I am overly happy or overly depressed...today I am overly depressed!

Where I live, some "over testosteroned" pratt decided with his mates it would be fun to beat up a copper...in fact he was a community support officer. They/he, allegedly knocked him down and stamped on his head. The result was the PCSO has a broken nose. Good news is the attacker was caught, hopefully his "mates" too and will no doubt get a slap on the wrist for his misdemeanor! Doubt if he will go to prison or be "keel Hauled" or "Hung drawn and quartered" as most of society and right minded individuals would like!

http://www.expressandstar.com/2009/05/23/officer-knocked-from-bike-in-attack/

So what else? Well we have all been possibly "ripped off" by our elected peers...the bloody politicians. Why do we allow ourselves to vote these people in? We watch year after year as they all knock each other down with tales and general tittle tattle whilst really, they are lining their proverbial pockets with pay rises and expenses, trips abroad "on business", on holiday more like, having the times of their lives whilst we cough up our "hard earned" to pay for it...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses/5297606/MPs-expenses-Full-list-of-MPs-investigated-by-the-Telegraph.html

Is there more? Well lets see...aaahh, BANKS!

Who now trusts a bank?
The pillars of our society are all crumbling down around our ears, our pensions are suffering, our savings are suffering, we are suffering. Are they suffering? You bet they are...well they reckon they are but I dont really believe it as I dont expect there are many bank managers in the doll queue! Did you see how the rich are losing there billions/millions? I bet they can still afford a decent meal, the odd pint in the pub and pay there mortgages though, cant they? So should we feel sorry for them? Of course we should....NOT!
They dont give a Sh1t about you, so why should you about them?
I know I keep bringing in links to the Telegraph newspaper but its purely accidental, perhaps they are the most outspoken?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financetopics/financialcrisis/4969610/Failed-banks-toxic-debt-generated-by-massive-mortgage-frauds.html

Whilst we are talking about mortgages, (keep up pleee..ase)in the same breath as banks we can include insurance companies.
Anyone bought an endowment mortgage? I did..."barstewards!!" They promise, in writing, on a legal document, (the proposal) to pay a certain figure upon the maturity of my policy. They did not have the now "oft touted maxim" "Stocks and shares may go up as well as down" in those days like they have to now. So why has the bloody thing got a surrender value of only about two thirds of its intended value after 25 years? In all that time I expect they took there due earnings out of its returns and thought..."bugger him!"
And dont tell me to go and claim a mispent endowment either, they wrapped that up nicely by saying only endowments after a certain date are under that jurisdiction. Mine, sadly, falls way to early for that and so they just cast an almighty "two fingered salute" in my general direction whilst they board the plane to Malaga or some other exotic far off destination, paid for by my missing third!

http://www.themoneystop.co.uk/072007/endowments-still-failing.html

I dont want to go on...what is that you say? "You must, you must!" Oh, ok then....the Car Industry!

Here's a good ruse...sell off our car industry to someone daft enough to buy it and pocket the cash for yet another politicians holiday some where nice. Oh hang on...the new owners want us to give them millions to keep it open...OK good idea lets give them lots of cash to keep it open!It will stop us having huge dole queues.

Couldn't we have done that ourselves and kept the manufacturing rights in this country? Well...yes we could, but then it would be our problem not the new owners problem! DUH!! Ple....ase...!!??!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2009/may/07/jaguar-land-rover-tata-bailout-talks

Oh well I have probably lost my other reader now, so, I will sign off for another long spell as the country experiences its summer and the government probably gives us a hosepipe ban, just incase, the leaks in the water works arent yet repaired and we run out of water...try telling that to those on the banks of the severn!

As they say around here...."Loff, I cud 'ave cried!"
Moriarty...

P.s. some good news: We just won the cricket! Wahey...it's not all doom and gloom then!

2008-10-21T19:22:00.009+01:00

Well you know the problem, the weathers crap and you have just been told by a caring motorist that your offside brake lights blown. You do a quick check and sure enough, it is. So, on the way home you pick up a new bulb. You don’t do it that night but, decide next day on the way home, that as the sun is shining and its probably the last warm day of the year that tonight’s the night.

Armed with my trusty toolkit and new bulb, I carefully open the inspection hatch and peer in to the back of the dark hole revealed. Wires, plastic and bayonet fittings, behind which, presumably, lies a burnt out brake light. A swift attempt to turn the bayonet fixing anti-clockwise, reveals my first problem. It’s stuck!

I remembered Jon Wellingham’s post (at least I think it was he) about a screw driver to release it…god that Multi forums good, and using my back door key as a screwdriver quickly released the offending bulb.

Yep, black as the ace of spades, I had never changed it in nearly five years of ownership so, presumably, it’s the original and due a change which, as we all know, is only a matter of seconds.

Yeah right!

The bulb fitted in its sprung loaded bayonet fixing holder really easily, but, getting the plastic housing to marry up and turn to lock it in place (clockwise) was another thing. All I can assume is that Italian’s have very small double jointed fingers…my fat things just wouldn’t go into the available space. Of all the cars I have owned, and there has been a few, I have never, ever, had a problem changing any bulb. (Other than a badly corroded light fitting on my old Cortina which fell out off the body work whilst changing a sidelight…but that’s another story!)

Then…it happened! Remember the spring loaded bulb? It un-sprung and like a missile, the bulb projected itself into the lens cluster….bum!

Taken aback, I quickly recovered my composure and formulated a cunning plan.

No, I didn’t go up the pub!

In a matter of seconds I had a screwdriver and a can of grease and deftly putting a blob of the aforementioned on the end of the driver tried to fish out the bulb!

Bugger…I couldn’t get the screwdriver in because of the angle of the dangle. I lowered the backseat….I tilted the back seat….I gave up! There was nothing for it; the side panel trim had to come out!

I don’t want to bore you anymore…but do you remember the song, “your left legs connected to your ankle bone…your…ankle bone…” etc?

Yeah, you guessed it…all the various bits of trim are neatly clipped over each other and before you know it…half the interiors spread across the garden!

However, I now had ample access and in seconds, my blob of grease was deftly sticking itself to the offending bulb and carefully I removed it from the cluster.

Well…the rest was easy. Fit the bulb in the housing, fit the bayonet end of the housing into its socket, try the bulb out…it worked… and then put it all back together again!

Easy peasy lemon squeazy….so I took some pictures showing the way to do it so that if you too own a Fiat (Fix It Again Tomorrow) Multipla you may just save your self a bit of fun. Presumably, the nearside brake light will require the same sort of effort?

All done in 35 mins so not too bad.

Till next time....

Moriarty...

2008-06-13T14:59:00.002+01:00

Ahhh...I can sense it all now if I close my eyes. The acrid smell of burnt rubber, the waft of oil and high octane fumes, the screech of tortured tyres and the cacophonous sound of highly tuned exhausts from engines that scream at rev's so high if you stopped to think and work out how many times a second a piston goes up and down you would never believe it possible!

We managed to get free tickets to go to Silverstone racetrack in Northamptonshire last Sunday to see the Renault Challenge. The family Moriarty all jumped into the trusty Multipla and headed off to see "what's what" at the "Premier" F1 track in Britain.
Now over the years Silverstone, the home of F1 and the British Racing Drivers Association, BRDC, has had quite a torrid time from the likes of Bernie Ecclestone et al complaining about the complete lack of funding that Silverstone has recieved over the years.
There was the problems of traffic jams, a new road sorted that out, there was flooding if I recall, someone has put that right I presume as they don't do the power boat championships and there was the lack of decent public facilities for the likes of me and you and for the drivers good accommodation and track side amenities.
Now call me names if you wish but, right up until I got into the place I was very impressed and I must say that the "getting into" was well Marshalled and parking was a doddle. However and it hurts me to say this, I have to agree with Bernie Ecclestone on this...the amenities are frankly bloody awful.

I can see they are spending money on portable toilets and some tent like structures for, presumably, corporate entertaining but...pu...leeeease! Why don't they think of the poor paying punter? The cost of food and drink was, frankly, deplorable, talk about extortionate. The path ways were nothing but rubble, lumps, potholes and divots to amble along kicking up dust on a sunny day and muddy on wet days. There was banking all around to sit on but no grass just the aforementioned rubble. Seating was adequate, but, little to no cover from the elements. We burnt that day, but, other days we would have drowned!

But, one saving grace...the track itself is still superb! You can't see all the way round but some of the spectating points give a very good view even if cars do flash past at what seems the speed of light!

But why do the cars have to be so noisy? Even with ear plugs it hurt and you can't hold a conversation with the person next to you....ok, you call me old now!

Silverstone...get your act together, you only need to look at Rockingham raceway some twenty miles away to see how much better it could be...now that is a superb racetrack that is...

2008-06-13T13:56:00.003+01:00

Ok, so why do we "blog"?
Me, I have an ego to satisfy I suppose. I enjoy talking and chatting like most people, but, you can't beat a good old chin wag that plumbs depths so deep as not to have been seen since last Friday night in the pub and five pints of "wife beater"!

So what has made me think of this sad subject today? Well my new "Techie", we will call him "Stephen" has seen me blogging on here and decided to right his memoirs from University life in a blog. He has quietly set it up and has been diligently bashing away on his keyboard for a few days. "So", I hear you cry..."whats wrong with that?" Well nothing really as it stands...but, he is publishing it to the web as he goes along and NOT allowing anyone to read it!! WHY? He doesn't want anyone to know his innermost secrets. So....why bother? He feels, and I think I understand what he is thinking, that it is a way of getting it off his chest...possibly somewhat cathartic, but surely the whole point of blogging or writing memoirs is to have someone read it at least!
Ahh well....it's his choice I suppose...me I can't wait to tell the world what I have to say!
Taraa a bit...

2008-05-26T13:27:00.007+01:00

Well I sat and watched for the first time in three years, for me, the most God awful venue for a formula one motor race. I am sorry but "Motor Race" and "Monaco" are words that should seldom be used in the same sentence!
Why?...I hear you cry...

Because it is NOT a race it is a procession! The Guru's of F1 will tell you how hard they have worked to make overtaking better in F1 over the last few years and how tracks like Silverstone that are sub standard drastically need to improve or lose their race and then they allow "racing" on this totally crap circuit!

So, if I say it is "crap", I ought to justify the statement. So, here goes:

Narrow, poor run off areas, littered with Armco barriers, slippery when wet due to white lines, poor visibitlity in the dry, never alone the wet...the list could go on....but, ends sadly with, if it wasn't for the rain and the crashes...then it would have been even more boring!

So, why do I think it is allowed to continue?
Corporate entertaining, probably some high class hookers, the chance for the rich and famous to be seen, or worse, the chance for the rich and hardly heard of to be pandered to on tv!

I suspect, obviously I cannot possibly know being a mere nonentity, that a lot of influential people are pandered to in a way that will suitably extricate valued funds for the upkeep of the sport. So to keep costs down we have rule changes and to get the money in we corporate entertain which starts a vicious cycle...(oh and yes £10,000 a time nose cones! How was that cost effective then?)

Sad, but for me a long time F1 fan, the highlight of the whole weekend was a) watching Lewis stuff the red pointy cars and b) knowing that "never in a million years" would the driver of a red pointy car ever be blamed/docked points for what was a ridiculous attempt to overtake poor Adrian Sutil!

Kimi R the red pointy thing driver in question may be a world champion, but, even me in my Fiat Multipla knew I would not have attempted a stupid balls out pass on a wet track with cold tyres!

I also agree with the ITV - F1 team...man of the day, Adrian Sutil!
May he get his chance to "interfere" with KR's next points tally!
Ooooh....naughty me! Fixing races never, ever, goes on in F1, does it? Could be a future posting on that....watch this space!

Moriarty...
p.s. If I have pinched/used your picture off the net then sorry...but please feel free to think "Hey, he chose mine, they must be good" Be smug...be happy!

PPS....Its just over a fortnight later and look what's happened! Poor old Lewis H has parked his McLaren into the back of KR's red pointy thing and yes it was a stupid mistake, and yes, it is/was dangerous just like KR's Monaco shunt....so why the ten place penalty? If I believed in conspiracy theories, as some of you may do...one might just wonder who actually does run F1!!

I bet he/she/they all drive bright red cars....
MTM

2008-05-16T13:09:00.003+01:00

Hi all,
Well it starts tonight and goes on all weekend with Sunday being the big day.
Yes, its the 5th annual Ugly Bug Ball or Fiat Multipla Owners Club Rally.
Shame it wasn't last weekend when it was hot but...c'est la vie!
All monies raised on the day will be going to Autism this years nominated charity unless advised otherwise.

So whats gonna happen then?

We have been sponsored by Coventry garages Group to the tune of £500 so we have a new gazebo and other stuff to help keep us warm dry the kids occupied. I know JC Seatcovers will be attending along with Angel Tuning and Tracy will be there with Usborne's children's books.

Nigel from Angel Tuning will be doing a remap on Keith and Sues 'Bugsy' and if anyone else wishes a remap then talk to Nigel. Remaps this year are priced at £200 which is cheaper then last year. This will take a 110 Multi up to 140 bhp or 155/160 bhp with similar MPG as a normal Multi!

If you require a full diagnostics check only, it will cost you £10. If you think about what it costs to have it done at a Fiat main dealer...thats a cracking saving!
Last year Nigel fixed a number of problems on site like Maf sensors etc and most went home happyAll monies from this are to go to Nigel.
Other members will be running the car clinic which has a time skilled mechanic heading it and a band of willing DIY 'ers who can talk you through any Multi related problems you may have.

On the fun side...
Don't forget to jot down your total distance traveled plus your average MPG readings. Best to reset your 'B' trip before you leave. I will be on site from approx 4pm on the Friday.

We have a meal on the Saturday night. It is not pre-booked, if you are coming along I suggest you place something in the centre of your table, i.e a little flag saying that you are an 'ugly bugger' so that we can all play at table swapping, having chats etc.

On the Sunday there is my driving skills test...so pit yourself against the husband or wife and lets watch the sparks fly!

For the kiddies...well they can emulate mom and dad and try to drive a remote controlled car around a track or play on a PS2 driving game and race their mates!

There's colouring competitions, and other assorted things to make the day go along for the kiddies and adults alike.

Have a safe journey and we will see you all at Billing for this years UBB 2008!
Lets make it a good one!

Moriarty...

2008-05-02T12:17:00.004+01:00

When I was a kid....

Many years ago when I was a kid we used try and try to see if the light on the fridge really did go out when you shut the door. You never really knew did you? You just accepted that it made sense that it did go out but....you never got the chance to actually see it happen. its like the tree in the middle of a forest. If the tree died and collapsed would it make a noise if no one was there? Of course it would, you know it would and so you accept it. But, does it? Obviously you will never know....
So....back to the fridge...
You'd stoop down in front of the door and carefully....oh so slowly....move the door a fraction at a time to see the exact point when the light went out. BUT IT NEVER DID!!
Why is that? Is it a conspiracy, is it design or, is it just a childish thing that you do when young?

Well no, actually I don't think it is!

Hands up all the adults who have either had a new fridge or perhaps had a new kitchen and hence a fridge.
Ok put them back down again...

You know that feeling when you have something new...you just have to have a play don't you. You touch it, wiggle it, tap it, open /close it, lift it, put it down or whatever, until finally, you are sort of satisfied. And then...you do it again!

Well we had a new kitchen and hence a new fridge a few years ago and I distinctly remember opening and closing the door, like any normal 50 year old kid would, just to see if I could see the light go out. Obviously, as I am now much older and less childish, I only did it once or twice (about 36 times actually) before I got bored. And yes...still I could not see the bloody light go out!

Now, I know you are in two camps here. Some of you will no doubt think..."what a nutter"...but when the rest of you have got back from testing your fridges, and it works on some freezers too, I am sure that most of you will side with me on this important piece of "Mundanery".

So, imagine my surprise today when having acquired a "new" fridge for the office at school yesterday, I was absolutely overcome with emulsion to find out that if you close this fridge door slowly...you can actually see the light go out! RESULT!!

When I think of all the fridge doors I have opened in 52 1/4 years....this is the only one that I have ever seen that does that!

Well I never....
Back to the grindstone then...plenty to do, lots to see...
Have a good bank holiday weekend all...
Moriarty...

2008-04-30T15:45:00.003+01:00

Ok, this looks bad, my last post last year said I will be blogging more but sadly it just never happened. Cest la vie!

So whats gone on this year?
Normal mundane stuff really, still fixing pc's in school, still helping out at the ladies only running club (www.dudleyladies.co.uk) still organising this years Ugly Bug Ball at Northampton (www.multiplaowners.co.uk) and the carnival in July (www.wombournecarnival.co.uk) that reminds me, I must update the carnival site.

The wifes eye problem has now been finally sorted thank goodness, but, no the mother in laws crocked! Not sure whats going on with her but time will tell...

Ah well, must go, now I have found my password and worked out how to blog again, this is a test, I must think of some more mundanery to keep you informed off!
Bye all....
Moriarty...

2007-06-29T14:56:00.000+01:00

What a to do...

I haven't been able to blog recently as the wife has been very poorly, I have been working on our local Carnival and a few other little time consuming things...
However, I have made my mind up to do more blogging than previously over the coming months as I feel we have lots to talk about!
Areas or topics I intend to mull over are...
Detached Retinas...
Insurance companies...are they rip off or a necessary evil?
Public liability...boring but relevant...
My mates Skoda VRS...very yellow and very quick...
Formula one...is it really any better now they have made some changes?
Classic Motorbikes...see. www.3dmotorcycles.eu
Mowers...is it really a year since I blogged about my mower?

Well Mrs Mundane, the kids and myself were looking forward to some nice weather this summer but, no chance of any there then is there...or is there? I am currently installing a weather station full off elecktrickery...watch this space for movements....

2007-02-14T16:53:00.000Z

Bullying in schools...whats it all about?

One of my kids is being bullied. I can't go into it much at the moment as obviously some things can't be talked about in detail on a blog that the whole world can read.
The bullying has started off as petty name calling, then it moved to pushing and shoving. It's now moved through kicking to stabbing him in the hand with a pencil. OK it was in itself not a bad wound and it soon healed over. However, at what point along that list did it move from horseplay to bullying?

A lot of people must sit there everyday and wonder this very same thing. It doesn't have to be in school either. It could be a neighbour with threatening advances, a work colleague or a member of your family. We won't go into incest/child abuse type things here, that's a whole new ball game I cannot and won't have anything to do with...as yet!

Bullying in school includes:

People calling you names
Making things up to get you into trouble
Hitting, pinching, biting, pushing and shoving
Taking things away from you
Damaging your belongings
Stealing your money
Taking your friends away from you
Spreading rumours
Threats and intimidation
Making silent or abusive phone calls
Sending you offensive phone texts
Posting insulting messages on the internet or by IM
Bullies can also frighten you so that you don't want to go to school, so that you pretend to be ill to avoid them.

So, what am I doing about it? Luckily i work in a school and I get inside info to help guide me but this is not the case for everyone so I looked about on the Internet and came up with a cracking site designed for pupils and parents alike. It outlines what you can do to combat the problem. The way to go about it..important bit that, and what to expect for an outcome. Unfortunately, that last bit is not always what you want but it is and I stress this rare to have to go to the lengths possible in this country outlined by this site. Although if it has to be done once...thats too many times!!

Try this link in the first instance and if your child is being bullied...then good luck!
Moriarty
http://www.bullying.co.uk/pupils.php

Other links:
http://www.childline.org.uk/extra/bullyingindex.asp
http://www.dfes.gov.uk/bullying/
http://www.antibullying.net/

Bullying...lets stamp it out NOW!!

2006-12-22T13:00:00.000Z

Well it will soon be bloody Christmas....

I hate christmas...what a complete and utter waste of two weeks of good holiday. The best christmases I have had since my kids grew up, or indeed I grew up, were when I went away with the family to sunnier climes!
Christmas day on the beach eating sandwiches and an ice cream you cannot beat it...bloody damn site better than stuffing yourself with turkey, watching the queen on tv, re runs of James Bond, Only Fools and Horses and other banaal stuff!

I have tried to go away this christmas...but the rip off airlines and holiday companies have priced it way out of my pocket this year and so I am forced to stop here and suffer like so many others.

So....just what is the real meaning of Christmas today....not the Jesus and the manger stuff, as sweet as it is, but the REAL meaning of Christmas?

I think it is a time of year for everyone to buy presents and send cards to people they haven't seen for ages...a sort of catholic like three hail Marys for not having had the bother to pick up the phone or pop over and say hello. Or, possibly, a time that has been orchestrated by the media and the shopping/retailing fraternity to make you spend your hard earned cash on junk that is usually over priced and badly made, specifically bought in for the heards of headless chickens eagerly trying to achieve that catholic virtue mentioned earlier.

In a couple of words... greed and atonement!

Greed and atonement..... what a sad conclusion to come up with.

Lets look at it further....
I have just been up the village and the parking has reached new hights of diabolical not seen since probably this time last year. Lorries and cars parked opposite each other blocking the route for others so that the selfish individuals can go and get their last minute pressie or deliver that last minute pressie.

The country will no doubt have a problem with the French Air traffic control/channel tunnel/ferries so that they can force another wage increase upon the companies who in turn will raise prices so that I cannot go away again next year.

Suicide bombers will be preaching goodwill to all men, women and children, as they blow them all to bits in the name of their Deity.

Worst of all whilst we are all out enjoying ourselves at the Christmas party/disco/concert there will be poor individuals committing suicide as it is traditionally the time of year to do it and other unfortunate souls will be murdered, maimed, killed or whatever by the drunks from all those parties/dicscos/concerts etc...

What a sad sh*tty state of affairs to be in. What future for our children?

Christmas....Bah Humbug!
In the words of the greatest Australian comic ever...Kevin Bloody Wilson...
D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.
(Work it out for yourself or look at previous postings...)

Moriarty the Mundane...
p.s. Listen to this song, its very rude so be warned, if you want to see my thoughts echoed by someone else!

2006-10-27T12:50:00.000+01:00

Callum Chesworth

Hi... today I am going to publicise to the world that I/we need a little help.
I have mentioned elsewhere on this blog that I help out at the Dudley Ladies Running Club every Tuesday and Thursday night, whenever possible. Well, we have a good friend there, Mrs Mundane and myself, by the name of Brenda.
Brenda has a grandson, Callum, who unfortunately has a problem...namely, born eight weeks premature, the doctors have confirmed he has Cerebral Palsy and needs to attend hospital appointments to monitor his progress!

Unfortunately, now aged three he requires regular weekly/twice weekly visits to a specialist physio, which will enable him to walk, and a speech therapist as he cannot yet talk.

So how can you help?
Simple...take a look at Callums blog by clicking here, read it from end to end and think how lucky you are not to be in his position. Then if it takes your fancy, make a small donation and then sit back and feel warm and snug inside knowing you will have helped Callum and many others by that simple bold statement.

Thankyou for reading...
Mr and Mrs Moriarty Le Mundane.

2006-10-23T15:11:00.000+01:00

Kevin "bloody" who..?

Last friday, knackered from returning from Cologne in the early hours of that morning, see my earlier blog, I got the chance to go and see just about the worlds funniest Australian. Oh, and the rudest!

Kevin "Bloody" Wilson.

Jeez, this man is like a breath of fresh air to comedy.
He tells anecdotes from his life in the Bush in Kalgoorlie, Western Australia, that always have a rude inuendo (or twelve) contained within. These inevitably lead to a song that Kev has either written or in the case of some songs..."De-composed"
De- composed? Well he takes a well known song and by the simple substition of a word or two changes the meaning of the whole song!
E.G. I saw mommy kissing santa claus...becomes I saw mommy s*cking Santa Claus!
Get the drift? Thought so and so did the 200 plus crowd at Dudley Town hall the other night.

This is the third time I have seen Kev and other than the fact that the acoustics in the town hall are crap, I have previously seen him at the Princess theatre cannock, the show was excellent.
All the old favourites were to be heard including, and I kid you not,
"The Local Coppers a ****!" "Hello Operator", "Manuel the Bandito", "D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.!" and the classic "Can't say **** in Canada!"

Now I don't advocate such profanity usually, in fact quite the opposite. But, you do have to be there to see Kev and get the whole thing put into context so to speak to make it all click into place and become genuinely hilarious. Go and see him you know it makes sense!
Finally, to those of you who think its all in bad taste I only have one thing to say..."D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.!" To coin a Kev phrase...

Moriarty the mundane...

p.s. A link to Kevs site, checkout Kev FM and for those bemused by just what does "D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.!" mean, a link to a "youtube video" I have found.

http://www.kevinbloodywilson.com/
"D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.!"

2006-10-23T11:37:00.000+01:00

Well, I went to Germany last week see...

Well I have been to Germany last week on a "Cultural Exchange" with students from the school I work at here in the UK.
Having been before, I knew roughly what to expect. But, I must say, I never expected to see two cracking bands live.

The first band were setting up in front of the Cathedral in Cologne on the big Piazza(?) and as soon as I saw the local TV camera's I knew we were into something good.
I was not wrong!
The band are called The Sideburns and play what they call garage dirty funk. Me I just loved the live music!
Below is a link to a video I made of just two short songs that I have put up onto youtube.

Watch the sideburns here

The band consists of four "geezers" a drummer, guitarist, bass player and a singer. Look carefully at the video and you will see the german tv cameras to the left at the start. Oh, and check out the instruments and the singers pa system!
I enjoyed them so much and wanting to buy a momento of Germany and Cologne, I bought their CD. My thanks go to the chap (the guitarist I think) who said it would be ok to put the video on youtube. I hope he understood!

The second band...well, they are not a professional band in the true sense of the word but a bunch of "ageing rockers" who love to blast out some old sixties and seventies songs in the basement of a local school.
The guitarist and singer, I consider now to be a friend of mine, (I stop with him on the exchange) named Georg Wehner, the others, although I was introduced, I am afraid I do not know. This was/is my only meeting of them and I found them to be a great bunch of blokes who's heart is in their music, presumably as a release from their day time jobs.

The band is called "butter side down"...
watch them on the links below.

Dead end Street
White Room
You Really Got Me

So, for me, I fealt the five days away was a good result! I can't wait to go back...
Moriarty das weltliche, er...Moriarty the mundane

2006-10-11T22:12:00.000+01:00

Hoosemairtes....who?

I've got this old school mate see. Duncan, Duncan Disorderley.
I know, its an old joke but you haven't met him. Dunc is a character, his mother was a character and probably someone related to them was a character too. But Duncan is...well special!
He can pick up his guitar and turn a barbie or a party in to a major social gathering full of merriment and music. I kid you not!

Dunc got me into playing guitar back in about 1973/4. I quickly became better then him but thats where it all went wrong. I peaked about 1976 in that glorious hot summer we older ones all talk about. Dunc peaked about....well, now really!

He has started his own guitar shop a few years ago, has taught guitar for a number of years quite successfully, but, its his playing. The bar steward has only gone and become good. I mean...well, bloody brilliant really.

I lost touch with Dunc for about 20 years, we all get married and move around abit and Dunc ended up in sunny Leictershire way and I ended up in Sunny Wombourne. Then one christmas break, I recieved an email via that wonderful website, Friends reunited.

The gist of the mail was, er..."hello tall hairy lanky ba*t*rd, short fat f*cker here. Ring this number.

Sitting there, puzzling over who it could be, I quickly new this person really knew me, as, I was a tall hairy lanky person many years ago in the seventies. I'm still tall, not so hairy now and I like to think I am lanky but I guess portly is a more apt description.

Having worked in Leicester for a while I guessed the code was a Leicestershire area number, but, who?
This person was, or is, now smaller than me from his description, thought he was fatter than me (still is...just) and obviously has a sense of humour.

Well I picked up the phone and dialled. There was only one person it could be and that was one Mr Duncan Keith!

The rest as they say is now history.

We quickly met up, I met his wife Mandy and three georgoeous daughters and we just took off from where we left off and all is good. A RESULT!

ALMOST!

The little sh*t is now, as I said, a bloody good guitarist and I am not. He is in a number of all different styles of band, I'm not in any. But it gets worse....I get him sodding bookings to show him off to people!

You need to check out the current band, The Hoosemairtes. Yes its a crappily spelled name, no one can pronounce it right and I dont know anyone who tells you they like Irish Folk.
Untill that is they see this band.
Dunc, Dave and there current drummer Nige, (he's quietly good is Nige) can, in an evening, turn even the hardest rocker, the funkiest funkster and the bluesiest ...well you get the picture, person into an Irish stylee folkist.

They mix up Blues, Rock, Folk and Funk throw in some acoustic and some electric stuff, make your ears bleed with raucous slide guitar and then send you home quietly chuffed at how good a night it has been.

Dunc...hats off to you mate, I love yah!

So...how do you get to see him and the band?
Easy, book him, details on their website, http://www.hoosemairtes.co.uk/
or if you go to Youtube... http://www.youtube.com/ type in very carefully.... hoosemairtes.
Thats HOOSEMAIRTES.
Oh sod it! You'll probably spell it wrong so click on the links below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jB3XQ9dzWw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f26X7YGrYXM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2980AkpYZY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cf3-l5D1wdg

Sit back, watch, listen and enjoy...

Moriarty the mundane...

2006-09-28T20:50:00.000+01:00

Vasectomy!!!!...Or "How's your Plums?"

In my last posting I mentioned my vasectomy. Now those who know me know I like a laugh and a joke and don't mind having the p*ss taken out of me. "Just remember, I can always take it back out of you" I say. And I do!!
So when I wrote my last blog I did say that I may talk about the "old severing of the testicles" in some detail.

Now, being shy and retiring I never got around to having my operation filmed...well you don't do you? But, I have researched the operation on the web and found a cracking site dedicated to the fine art of the vasectomy.

Surprisingly, I am amazed at the men who have said they have had it done when they heard I had but, more surprisingly, the men who were squeamish as I gave them the gory details. If a guy was particularly squeamish I used to slightly exaggerate the really juicy bits, there aren't really any/many, just to watch them turn a nice shade of puice!

The sad thing was when one of the girls in the office mentioned that her "other half" had cancelled his appointment three times! He still hasn't had it done! So this blog is dedicated to him and those like him, to say "come on mate...two bricks and smack its all over! It doesn't hurt a bit, unless you catch your thumbs!"

So for those brave enough, visit...
http://www.beavercleaver.net/

So why was my blog entitled "So hows your plums!"?
Well it was performed on a Tuesday and by Thursday they were going a little darker than usual. By Saturday there was a definate soreness and some swelling. Nothing, as one would say "Untoward" or "Unduly Concerning." The following Tuesday? PLUMS....thats the best I can describe them! The Left one? Well....any bigger and Cricket and "tampering with balls" springs to mind!

Happy days...
Moriarty the mundane....

2006-09-12T16:06:00.000+01:00

Speed Bumps...bloody speed bumps!

Today I had a vasectomy!
I suppose that if you read the title above you have guessed already what I am about to say?
I may do a blog on my vasectomy over the next few days so that the men in this world who cant bring themselves to have one, may feel better about it and go on to do it! But, I digress...

I live in a village....a nice village with a cricket green and a church, a local womens institute a new library, shops, a bank, Doctors surgery, infact everything you could wish for, BUT FOR PARKING SPACES!
So, whats this got to do with speed bumps?

People don't park in Wombourne, our village, as there are too few places to park, so they "Dump" their cars where they like and go about their shopping etc. On pavements, across driveways, even blocking off a roadway to a local old peoples home. Obviously, this causes mayhem with the traffic which over the years has been exacerbated by the inability of our local council to stop builders building on any scrap of land they think they can get away with.

To quantify/qualify this fact, in 1984 when we moved to the village it's population was about 10500. It is now nearer 18000 and still growing. It is infact recognised as the second largest, possibly the largest, village in Britain. It is bigger than many towns and it would not surprise me if there is a city, somewhere, smaller or of similar stature!
To try and overcome this problem we had a number of choices and the council for whatever reason chose traffic calming measures. SPEED HUMPS to you and me!

Dont just take my word for it look what Bob Lee had to say about speed humps in staffordshire...

"The use of speed humps does affect patients. No matter how careful the driver is, it's uncomfortable to go over speed bumps. Crews have to slow down and with something like a heart attack patient, every second is vital. Potentially speed humps may be life takers, not life savers."

Bob Lee, Staffordshire Ambulance Service
Lichfield Chronicle 2004-10-15

Me, I would have towed and ticketed every wrongly/badly parked vehicle in sight until the populace learnt how to drive/park/be courteous!

I am not sure of the logic, even though I attended a meeting or two about the new measures before they were implemented, but I think the hidden agenda here is to make the village so bloody awkward to get into, or out of, people would rather shop elsewhere than traverse each of these monolithical speed humps that abound on the main arterial roads of the village. I hear more are on the way for the last remaining road into the village as the last onslaught has not quite killed off the traffic or the local shop trade!

Still....back to this vasectomy and those bloody humps!

The wife was driving and we were approaching the humps and she slowed down for them, as you would. She wasn't travelling very fast, probably not even twenty miles an hour, when she hit the first hump. God strike! It was like someone was practising their circus skils with my goolies!
Half a dozen humps later and I was looking for the pain killers and wishing i had never heard of a vasectomy never alone just had one!

So, the moral of this story?
If you think you need a vasectomy and you live near me, think carefully, very carefully, about what you intend to do. Then plan your route home!

It's a hard life....(well it won't be tonight, thats for sure!)

Catch you later....
Moriarty the mundane aka "One hung low"...

2006-09-10T17:21:00.001+01:00

My mower again, again....

Well I said I did not think it could get more mundane than this and yesterday it did!

A fellow mower enthusiast (Paul) got in touch via this blog and we met up yesterday. Suffice to say we had three hours together and we both found we had a good friendship developing and an unhealthy interest for old mowers and motorbikes! Suffice to say, we swapped old motorcycling yarns and then had a play with each others respective mowers. Paul has a similar mower to my old Atco and an all but identical Qualcast 16 (Puffing Billy) it was a novel experience to say the least.

Now I know I write tongue in cheek...but this is now getting a little surreal to say the least.
Nevertheless....we are contemplating going to the Malvern show in two weeks time to possibly exhibit our mowers in a stand of Vintage mowers!

Oh....and we made a short video...as you do!

Watch the video here...

Moriarty the mundane....and ridiculous!!??!

2006-08-31T18:44:00.000+01:00

My Mower again...

Well its been some time since I last talked about me mower...and now I am talking about it all the time!
Why you might ask? Well the local Express and Star newspaper has only been and done some features on old mowers...see everyone likes mundanery, and I have managed to get meself into the paper with a piccy of not one but two old mowers.
How mundane can I get? Well...lets wait a few months and see!
The mowers in question are "Puffing Billy" and "son of Billy?".

Billy senior, as you all know from reading the last blog about him, is a Qualcast 16 from around the turn of the war. I have spoke to my "ole man" at length and find that it was bought by him about 1963 and transported home in the front of his Moggy Minor (OUJ90, if anyone knows of its whereabouts contact me) having removed the front seat to get it in. He had bought it from TOC H (?) from around the Wollaston area of Stourbridge where it had been mowing the churchyard of a local church. It was sold because the people using it were frightened of it as it only had two speeds..."Quiet or noisy" Noisy being very fast and unmanegable! Hence the impending sale to my Dad for, he thinks, about a fiver...a veritable Queens ransom in those days with a seven year old lad, me, and a baby on the way...me sister!

Subsequent examination proved it was nothing more than a jammed, wrongly assembled, carburettor and it was soon weaving its magic on the family lawns billowing clouds of two stroke fumes as it went up and down. Hence...."Puffing Billy".

Over the years it has been repainted in a garish green, Dad's a touch colour blind and had a new set of chains. The clutch assembly for the actuating arm broke passing to close to the rockery some years back and had to have a new one fabricated from steel as the cast iron part was beyond repair. and soon it is to have the exhaust box repaired as sixty plus years of fumes have finally corroded it through. Not bad really for its age...its doing better than me!

Billy Junior...well what can I say about him? Not a lot really...given to me a few years ago by my next door neighbour. It in turn had been given to him by a relation many years before. It is an Atco with a fourstroke engine the same as seen on numerous Suffolk Colts from the sixties through to recent years. It has not seen much use as it is awkward to handle because the clutch is a weird affair with a combination of a lever about three foot long and a handlebar lever like a push bike brake lever. It wont roll backwards because of a dog clutch and although light and a very good cut is produced, turning around or backing out of borders is hence made quite difficult.

Would I swap either for love or money? Nah!!! These modern day mowers are pretty useless by comparison. If you can afford it they are not going to last if they are going to last they are just too damn expensive.

Hey Ho...such is life and the evils of modernisation...

More mundanery to follow...have a good life...
Moriarty...

2006-08-19T13:25:00.000+01:00

My Back Passage

This last week or so I have mainly been decorating around the house as the weather has been too bad to go camping with the family.
Today I have finally finished my Kitchen, very nice it is too, and my back passage, for want of a better expression!! Hopefully, as the weather doesn't look like getting any better this coming week I shall have time to spruce up the Hall Stairs Landing and fit some new lights around the patio. You read my blog on my patio...didnt you?

Ahh well...the smell of fresh paint still lingers and the wife looks like she wants me to do a few more odd jobs so...
Bye for now...
Moriarty the Mundane

2006-08-07T21:37:00.000+01:00

More Mundane Moments....

Well the patio now looks a treat...the garden is slowly starting to tidy up nicely and we are getting closer to the day we have our first party on the new patio!
So....the boys, who are away on holiday from school, have helped me tart up "Kerchunk!"
Kerchunk is our old gas fired Barbie, so called, because in the days when it used to light at the of the press of a button it used to make a clicking noise that sounded sort of like...well...er.."Kerchunk!"
So far we are making new wooden slatted side bits as the old ones have rotted, sanded down the new bits to be stained in a dark sort of teak/mahogany colour and we will be sanding down the aluminium body ready for a new coat of barbecue black paint. Once all assembled with a new rubber gas hose it should be ready for lighting and burning off all the dead spiders and greasy fat! We cant wait!!

2006-08-01T10:33:00.000+01:00

My new patio....
Well we decided to have a new patio. So, Mrs Mundane and I got some quotes in and chose Scott a local up and coming landscape gardener who has just "Gone on his own." Having used Scott in the past for other mundane gardeny like things such as tree surgery and fence erecting we know his work is really good. He has relaid slabs and turf at the mother in laws so we were expecting a good job.
One week later not only has he laid a beautiful new patio in Indian sandstone but remodelled the drive for us!
It was agreed that as much of the old slabs as possible could be used as hardcore to provide a firm base to take the weight of the family cars. Finally toppedoff with limestone "MOT" whatever that is...whacker plated and gravelled, the final outcome was a whole lot better.
So what did it cost...well, thats imaterial suffice to say Mrs Mundane is more than pleased and thats good enough for me!

2006-06-23T12:03:00.000+01:00

Ubuntu....what is it?

Well yesterday we downloaded Ubuntu....a version of Linux, totally free and complete with an office suite and all sorts of gubbins.

(http://www.ubuntu.com/)

Is it any good and why I hear you ask?
Well....its not Microsoft, its totally free and available as a download and essentially it allows you to have a reliable alternative to an MS Windows operating system. It looks and performs well and even though I work in the industry and I'm reasonably computer literate, I can see that it would not give to much trouble to the average bod who is used to XP.
If your a complete novice however, both XP and Ubuntu will be as difficult as each other.

Would I reccomend it?

Unfortunatley, after plodding away trying to install extra applications, very unsuccessfully, a product that we all thought originally was bloody great suddenly became bloody hard and not worth using! So I'm afraid that is a definate loud NO!

Feel free to have a go yourself....we will persevere during the summer and try to see where we are going wrong but until then...stick with XP.

Bill Gates 1....Ubuntu...0

Moriarty....

2006-06-14T15:44:00.000+01:00

My Mower

Just thought you might like to see my mower...Its a circa 1945 Qualcast 16. It has a sixteen inch cut, a Villiers 98cc two stroke engine and is known as "Puffing Billy" because of the clouds of two stroke smoke it billows out!

2006-06-14T14:25:00.000+01:00

We were in the server room today and my new techie came up with a statement...
"The A41 goes from near my house to chester"
Now, out of context this is a bit of a mundane statement on its own but believe me...in context, it was...er...still pretty mundane but it invoked "hails of derisive laughter".
We don't live in London but, in Sunny Wolverhampton, so give him his due he wasn't to know how wrong his statement was!
Five minutes on the t'internet brought up a site that confirmed just how wrong he was.
http://uk.geocities.com/afortyone/

A whole page or so about a book a story and the info we were looking for...From Baker Street to Birkenhead!

Thats a long road, it would take a long time to get there but not as long as it fealt to us checking out another piece of mundanery!

2006-06-07T20:41:00.000+01:00

Well they are back.....
Who?
Well you just might ask....the Ugly buggers are back thats who!
Billing Aquadrome in Northampton was the venue and the third Ugly Bug Ball....oh, and the rain. Lots of it. Bloody bucketed it down all weekend.
So who are the Ugly Buggers and what is the Ugly Bug ball?
The combined efforts of a few, possibly mad, anorakish types, who form the Multipla Owners Club of Great Britain.
Ahaaa...so now you know!
Don't stop reading...its not time to switch off just yet. Basically its a meet like a Beetle bash for Multi owners or Multimates to get together do some chatting and drinking, test there driving skills and chew the fat over their Ugly Bugs....er, sorry, Multipla's and make some money for there chosen charity. Not so much this time as in previous years as the aforementioned deluge that hit Northampton all weeekend invariably kept a load of people away.
Some thirty odd, as opposed to sixty odd, turned up and eventually had a great time.
For those interested take a butchers on the owners website maintained by Oddbod, but who else, and if you own a Multi check out the yahoo forum from the main page and find out loads of tips hints, quirks and foibles that abound these veritable Tardis's (is that tardii) made by the men at Fix It Again Tomorrow.

www.multiplaowners.co.uk

Speak to you all about something else a little mundane soon....
Moriarty the mundane...